Cat Jokes

Think Cats accepts no responsibility for the quality of these catastrophically bad jokes

Feeding Jokes

What do you call a cat that sucks on lemons? - A sour puss!
What does a cat call a bowl of mice? - A purrfect meal!
What drinks milk, meows, and has eight legs? - An octo-puss!
What do cats eat for breakfast? - Mice Krispies.
What do cats like best on a hot day? - Mice cream!
How is cat food sold? - Usually purr can!
What do cats use to make coffee - A purrcolator.
How do you get milk from a cat? - Steal its saucer.
What's a cat's favorite dessert? - Chocolate Mouse
(or Mice pudding!)
What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? - A duck filled fatty puss.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? - He set a new lap record.
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? - She had mittens.
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling? - She's got that down in the mouth look!

What do you get if you cross...

A cat with a canary? - Shredded tweet!
A cat and a gorilla? - An animal that puts you out at night!
A cat with a bottle of vinegar? - A sourpuss!
A cat with a parrot? - A carrot!
A cat with a tree? - A cat-a-log!
A cat with Father Christmas? - Santa Claws!
A cat and a donkey? - A Mewl.

What is a cats...

Favourite song? Three Blind Mice.
Favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!
Favourite subject in school? HISStory.
Favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Favourite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic."
Favourite car? The Catillac.
Favorite party game? Mews-ical chairs!
Favorite TV show? The evening mews!

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? - Too many cheetahs.
What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? - Claw Enforcement.
What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? - Hiss and Tell.
What does a cat do when it gets mad? - It has a hissy fit.
What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? - The purrpatrator.
Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? - The retail store.
Why is the cat so grouchy? - Because he's in a bad mewd.
How does the cat get its own way? - With friendly purrsuasion.
What has more lives than a cat? - A frog because it croaks every night.
How do cats end a fight? - They hiss and make up.
Why are cats such good singers? - Because they're very mewsical.
What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? - Sandy Claws.
Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? - Because it squeaked.
What side of the cat has the most fur? - The OUT-side.
What kind of cat will keep your grass short? - A Lawn Meower.
What do you use to comb a cat? - A catacomb.
Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? - Because he's always spotted.
How do cats end a fight? - They hiss and make up.
What did the cat say when he lost all his money? - I'm paw!
What do cats read in the morning? - Mewspapers!
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? - An eskimew.
What grade did the cat get on his test? - He got a Purrrr-fect score!
What kind of cat should you take into the desert? - A first aid kitty!
What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have? - A catastrophe!
What's worse than raining cats and dogs? - Hailing taxi cabs!
Why do cats chase birds? - For a lark!
Why do people love cats? - Because they are purrrrr-fect!
Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin? - There was some money in the kitty!
Why is the cat so grouchy? - Because he's in a bad mewd.
Have your heard the joke about the cat on the roof? - Never mind. It's over your head!
Which one of your pets should you scare on Halloween? - Scare-de-cat.
What do you call what cats read to stay up-to-date? - The Daily Mews Purr-per.
What do cats strive for? - Purr-fection.
What did one cat say to another? - Nothing. Cats can`t speak.
I gave my cat a bath today. He seemed to like it, but I wasn't too crazy about it. His fur sticks to my tongue.

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